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Nobody puts Baby in the corner
3 min read
Hey guys!
I've had a baby in February. I still can't believe it. It sounds so. .. Mature, grown up, responsible. I myself still feel like a child. Having a baby is kind of a big deal, isn't it?
But yeah, exciting. The best and worst time of my life.
The cons are obvious. Though I'm raising my baby girl with my boyfriend and we get all the support we could wish for from our parents, it is still stressful. You have to plan ahead quite sometime so someones looking after the baby. As a student this sucks. You never get up later than 10 o clock. You don't get shit done and wonder at night where all the time has gone. I'm writing this with her on my lap, making a break every few lines ;D
I was breastfeeding her (ewwww hate to talk about that) but had two painful infections. I stopped after the second one, there was no milk left, I had a bad fever and felt so sick I couldn't eat for days. But the baby didn't mind and even enjoys getting fed by daddy.
Changing diapers was a real struggle for me at first. I have never done this before. NEVER. Luckily I had to stay a few days after giving birth at the hospital and got to learn it quite well.
The biggest con was giving birth actually. The worst pain. EVER. I cried and screamed and when the baby popped out I was so tired I nearly passed out. I threw up from the contractions and ewww really it's so disgusting. The next one will definetely be a Csection. Also my little crumble was a rock of a baby... 4kilo. I was around 50kilo before giving birth, thats a whole lot of human. The doctor also excused for not seeing that because it could have been hella dangerous.
But the good thing, I lost nearly all the baby pounds. We do not own any devices for weighing but the last time I checked I was around 50 kilo again. I'm a little proud of that because I didn't do anything, no diet no workout. But I tried to eat healthier. And I attended some fitness challenges (you might have seen them on facebook and 9gag).
The pros of having a baby.. Always clean laundry. She gets through clothing like diapers but I can only fill the washing machine with the whole family's clothes. It requires a lot of washing but I don't really have to worry about my closet being empty.
People are nicer. Puppy eyes make the best friends anywhere. And everyone understands if you fail at something or if you are slower. And even though not everyone has respect for young mothers, I get soooo much love and support from friends and family. Really, they would even kill.
Ahhh already a lot of text. And so little time. Diaper time. Wheehhh
bte her name is Romy.
I've had a baby in February. I still can't believe it. It sounds so. .. Mature, grown up, responsible. I myself still feel like a child. Having a baby is kind of a big deal, isn't it?
But yeah, exciting. The best and worst time of my life.
The cons are obvious. Though I'm raising my baby girl with my boyfriend and we get all the support we could wish for from our parents, it is still stressful. You have to plan ahead quite sometime so someones looking after the baby. As a student this sucks. You never get up later than 10 o clock. You don't get shit done and wonder at night where all the time has gone. I'm writing this with her on my lap, making a break every few lines ;D
I was breastfeeding her (ewwww hate to talk about that) but had two painful infections. I stopped after the second one, there was no milk left, I had a bad fever and felt so sick I couldn't eat for days. But the baby didn't mind and even enjoys getting fed by daddy.
Changing diapers was a real struggle for me at first. I have never done this before. NEVER. Luckily I had to stay a few days after giving birth at the hospital and got to learn it quite well.
The biggest con was giving birth actually. The worst pain. EVER. I cried and screamed and when the baby popped out I was so tired I nearly passed out. I threw up from the contractions and ewww really it's so disgusting. The next one will definetely be a Csection. Also my little crumble was a rock of a baby... 4kilo. I was around 50kilo before giving birth, thats a whole lot of human. The doctor also excused for not seeing that because it could have been hella dangerous.
But the good thing, I lost nearly all the baby pounds. We do not own any devices for weighing but the last time I checked I was around 50 kilo again. I'm a little proud of that because I didn't do anything, no diet no workout. But I tried to eat healthier. And I attended some fitness challenges (you might have seen them on facebook and 9gag).
The pros of having a baby.. Always clean laundry. She gets through clothing like diapers but I can only fill the washing machine with the whole family's clothes. It requires a lot of washing but I don't really have to worry about my closet being empty.
People are nicer. Puppy eyes make the best friends anywhere. And everyone understands if you fail at something or if you are slower. And even though not everyone has respect for young mothers, I get soooo much love and support from friends and family. Really, they would even kill.
Ahhh already a lot of text. And so little time. Diaper time. Wheehhh
bte her name is Romy.
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Expecting
6 min read
... a baby!
Oh yes.
After having a horrible year in general, this topped it all of and turned it into mostly positive things, kind of gave the missing perspective and reason to get life in order.
It all started last summer, I got together with my boyfriend and father of my baby (that sounds so sick). Not the easiest start to have, involving a mess and breaking up and getting back together. But after that it all worked out and we even made it official (after hiding being a couple for a few months, lol). In december I got really sick. Kidney Infection, and it was just a fucked up experience. Have you ever felt so sick you nearly starved but still threw up all the time? What a bummer. It was around christmas time, it took about a week and a heavy medication to recover... Kind of. In january I dropped out of school because I didn't have good enough grades to get my A level. I didn't really cry about it, but my parents and everyone around. Great disappointment and the cherry on top was another kidney infection. And after that another one and another one and another one.. They lasted for a few days in TOTAL pain and suffering, if you ever had kidney aches you know what I'm talking about, I even cried and had the biggest issues to get out of bed just to brush my teeth (which sometimes led to throwing up... when you didn't eat for days, imagine that please). Gross. It got so bad that my doctor stopped testing different antibiotics and sent me to hospital, where I stayed for 2 weeks. After that I really felt better, physicially. Mentally I was still a little .. wrong? I don't know, I struggled when I had to focus on the future or decide what I want to do with my life. Not to mention that my parents weren't happy about that situation either and set limits to it. I felt like a teenager again (Ok I was a teenager then), misunderstood and left out and just weird, like I didn't get on with myself. And a month after getting out of hospital I had the next kidney infection. I went to see a specialist for that, after my doctor just tried heavy medications again... I read all the prescriptions and I highly doubt that taking high concentrated antibiotics is good for you for half a year. I got different pills but for a longer period of time and vaccination, and it worked! I really recovered after that, I felt sooooo much better and felt happy for the stupidest things, like getting up early without feeling totally sick (staying in bed for half a year has its effects..) or eating so much you can't wear tight pants and things like that.
Beginning of June I realized I was a little late (if you know what I mean, if not read the first line again). Got a pregnancy test, talked to my boyfriend, went to see the doctor (AGAIN WOOHOO) and then had to decide whether a baby is a good idea in such a messy situation like mine or not. I'm not against abortion, and I know some girls who did have one.. so I was really confused and had no idea what to do. I think there is no wrong or right, you won't have an abortion without a reason and these reasons for me were not knowing what's in the future, a not so stable and not so long relationship and health issues, not knowing what friends and family will think and say and if they would appreciate a baby. In the end, obviously, I decided to have the baby. I asked the doctor if everything will be okay during pregnancy with me and my kidney or if this could have any effects on the baby. Everything's fine
And after I had seen the little drop with a heartbeat in my uterus and heard that there are no serious risks, I knew I would be a mother.( I'm still surprised how awkward that sounds, mother and father.) My parents were shocked, but they were very joyful. They're already grandparents and are super excited, just like my boyfriend's parents, but for them it's the first time. Everyone reacted so .. happy about it, really not what I expected. Super lucky to have such lovely people around me
In September my boyfriend and I moved into a flat in a slightly bigger city, but still close enough to the family. It's going quite well, pregnancy is not that bad as I heard about it before, actually is kind of relaxed. The weight gain is quite distracting, the whole body changes. I used to look like I'm 12 and had a .. small body, not really mature, if you understand what I mean^^ And suddenly boobs and a belly so big it looks like I'm falling over. Luckily that's everything that went "bad" for me, I didn't have any morning sickness, just felt really tired and had some kind of food cravings, mostly for things I used to hate.. and after eating them I hated them again
But no throwing up or ice cream with ketchup and chips.
I'm due in february, so no carnival that year. Ahhhh, what a loss ;D But we will see!
I nearly skipped the most exciting thing, right... It's a girl Still not 100% sure (apparently some boys hide their crown jewels very well), but pretty sure. I listened to Nsync like crazy, it shall be a girl. But now she's more into The Doors. Something about Morrisons voice makes her very active and dancey. That's my girl! (When my mom was pregnant Freddie Mercury died and Queen music was everywhere. She told me I got very quiet and concentrated when I heard Queen as a baby. Might be completely made up, but still a cute story to tell).
kthxbai
Oh yes.
After having a horrible year in general, this topped it all of and turned it into mostly positive things, kind of gave the missing perspective and reason to get life in order.
It all started last summer, I got together with my boyfriend and father of my baby (that sounds so sick). Not the easiest start to have, involving a mess and breaking up and getting back together. But after that it all worked out and we even made it official (after hiding being a couple for a few months, lol). In december I got really sick. Kidney Infection, and it was just a fucked up experience. Have you ever felt so sick you nearly starved but still threw up all the time? What a bummer. It was around christmas time, it took about a week and a heavy medication to recover... Kind of. In january I dropped out of school because I didn't have good enough grades to get my A level. I didn't really cry about it, but my parents and everyone around. Great disappointment and the cherry on top was another kidney infection. And after that another one and another one and another one.. They lasted for a few days in TOTAL pain and suffering, if you ever had kidney aches you know what I'm talking about, I even cried and had the biggest issues to get out of bed just to brush my teeth (which sometimes led to throwing up... when you didn't eat for days, imagine that please). Gross. It got so bad that my doctor stopped testing different antibiotics and sent me to hospital, where I stayed for 2 weeks. After that I really felt better, physicially. Mentally I was still a little .. wrong? I don't know, I struggled when I had to focus on the future or decide what I want to do with my life. Not to mention that my parents weren't happy about that situation either and set limits to it. I felt like a teenager again (Ok I was a teenager then), misunderstood and left out and just weird, like I didn't get on with myself. And a month after getting out of hospital I had the next kidney infection. I went to see a specialist for that, after my doctor just tried heavy medications again... I read all the prescriptions and I highly doubt that taking high concentrated antibiotics is good for you for half a year. I got different pills but for a longer period of time and vaccination, and it worked! I really recovered after that, I felt sooooo much better and felt happy for the stupidest things, like getting up early without feeling totally sick (staying in bed for half a year has its effects..) or eating so much you can't wear tight pants and things like that.
Beginning of June I realized I was a little late (if you know what I mean, if not read the first line again). Got a pregnancy test, talked to my boyfriend, went to see the doctor (AGAIN WOOHOO) and then had to decide whether a baby is a good idea in such a messy situation like mine or not. I'm not against abortion, and I know some girls who did have one.. so I was really confused and had no idea what to do. I think there is no wrong or right, you won't have an abortion without a reason and these reasons for me were not knowing what's in the future, a not so stable and not so long relationship and health issues, not knowing what friends and family will think and say and if they would appreciate a baby. In the end, obviously, I decided to have the baby. I asked the doctor if everything will be okay during pregnancy with me and my kidney or if this could have any effects on the baby. Everything's fine
And after I had seen the little drop with a heartbeat in my uterus and heard that there are no serious risks, I knew I would be a mother.( I'm still surprised how awkward that sounds, mother and father.) My parents were shocked, but they were very joyful. They're already grandparents and are super excited, just like my boyfriend's parents, but for them it's the first time. Everyone reacted so .. happy about it, really not what I expected. Super lucky to have such lovely people around me In September my boyfriend and I moved into a flat in a slightly bigger city, but still close enough to the family. It's going quite well, pregnancy is not that bad as I heard about it before, actually is kind of relaxed. The weight gain is quite distracting, the whole body changes. I used to look like I'm 12 and had a .. small body, not really mature, if you understand what I mean^^ And suddenly boobs and a belly so big it looks like I'm falling over. Luckily that's everything that went "bad" for me, I didn't have any morning sickness, just felt really tired and had some kind of food cravings, mostly for things I used to hate.. and after eating them I hated them again
But no throwing up or ice cream with ketchup and chips. I'm due in february, so no carnival that year. Ahhhh, what a loss ;D But we will see!
I nearly skipped the most exciting thing, right... It's a girl
Still not 100% sure (apparently some boys hide their crown jewels very well), but pretty sure. I listened to Nsync like crazy, it shall be a girl. But now she's more into The Doors. Something about Morrisons voice makes her very active and dancey. That's my girl! (When my mom was pregnant Freddie Mercury died and Queen music was everywhere. She told me I got very quiet and concentrated when I heard Queen as a baby. Might be completely made up, but still a cute story to tell).kthxbai
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My Pretty Pony
1 min read
manic
hiding
close
hole
cigarettes
high temperature
cold
drunk
ache
hospital
sick
throw up
holding hands
missing
mental disease
pills
sleep
throw up
90s nostalgia
floral print
labyrinth
zombie
nuts
green
lipstick
dead rose
pregnancy
anorexia
soon
fuck forever
hiding
close
hole
cigarettes
high temperature
cold
drunk
ache
hospital
sick
throw up
holding hands
missing
mental disease
pills
sleep
throw up
90s nostalgia
floral print
labyrinth
zombie
nuts
green
lipstick
dead rose
pregnancy
anorexia
soon
fuck forever
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Polly wants a cracker
1 min read
Paralyzed
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That's my attitude
3 min read
"Let's skip the charades
You're looking right through me anyways
I'm the one who's acting like ' I'm so strong '
You're the one who's acting like ' Nothing's wrong' "
Seems like I've seen everything and still am I doubtful of what to expect.
My future is appearing as a disaster.
I try to keep my childish ways, that happy, careless behaviour, the innocence and purity.
But that mask is fading.
I don't know what I wanted all the time. I acted stupid.
I'm so afraid to grow up. I don't want to be serious at anything.
And I am always surprised when people take me seriously, when even I don't.
My self-confidence and respect is gone, though I wonder if there ever was any.
How could I ever expect someone to love me, when I can't love myself? When they will never get to know me? If being close is what I hate most, though it's REALLY something I wish for? To open a dead heart to someone, who will not leave it... But that's the point, everyone disappoints me sooner or later. Another part of growing up I don't want to handle: Knowing that people aren't perfect.
My opinion was always that it's not childish at all to try to be perfect, but it seems to me nowadays that it is. I accept people, but I don't allow myself to love anything less than perfection.
That sounds so stupid.
I try to keep my cold way and look forward with positive thoughts.
Maybe it's what all people are, but I didn't get it yet: pretending to be weak, playing their part of being soft, fragile and lovely, but having locked hearts deep inside no one could ever reach.
Maybe I just get to think too much at the time.
I spend my days lying around, watching TV, taking pills, sleeping most of the time... Sometimes I cry, sometimes I vomit, then I wonder if my dreams were real or hallucinations because of the pain killers. I feel so sick and I don't know how to get out. I thought the bad times were gone forever, the depressing thoughts and suicide plans, but it returned heavier than ever.
I'm not sure if it's right to post things like that in a public community, but in dA no one really reads my journals so whatever.
I am surely not asking for help, just sharing some random thoughts and giving a more personal update than Fall Out Boy lyrics.
You're looking right through me anyways
I'm the one who's acting like ' I'm so strong '
You're the one who's acting like ' Nothing's wrong' "
Seems like I've seen everything and still am I doubtful of what to expect.
My future is appearing as a disaster.
I try to keep my childish ways, that happy, careless behaviour, the innocence and purity.
But that mask is fading.
I don't know what I wanted all the time. I acted stupid.
I'm so afraid to grow up. I don't want to be serious at anything.
And I am always surprised when people take me seriously, when even I don't.
My self-confidence and respect is gone, though I wonder if there ever was any.
How could I ever expect someone to love me, when I can't love myself? When they will never get to know me? If being close is what I hate most, though it's REALLY something I wish for? To open a dead heart to someone, who will not leave it... But that's the point, everyone disappoints me sooner or later. Another part of growing up I don't want to handle: Knowing that people aren't perfect.
My opinion was always that it's not childish at all to try to be perfect, but it seems to me nowadays that it is. I accept people, but I don't allow myself to love anything less than perfection.
That sounds so stupid.
I try to keep my cold way and look forward with positive thoughts.
Maybe it's what all people are, but I didn't get it yet: pretending to be weak, playing their part of being soft, fragile and lovely, but having locked hearts deep inside no one could ever reach.
Maybe I just get to think too much at the time.
I spend my days lying around, watching TV, taking pills, sleeping most of the time... Sometimes I cry, sometimes I vomit, then I wonder if my dreams were real or hallucinations because of the pain killers. I feel so sick and I don't know how to get out. I thought the bad times were gone forever, the depressing thoughts and suicide plans, but it returned heavier than ever.
I'm not sure if it's right to post things like that in a public community, but in dA no one really reads my journals so whatever.
I am surely not asking for help, just sharing some random thoughts and giving a more personal update than Fall Out Boy lyrics.
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